Avoiding the Outcast in You

Everyone struggles now and again at being apart of a group. This is really a hard topic to cover. This article is only focusing on first impressions and how someone starts to become the outcast in their own mind. It all starts in your own mind any way. When you start thinking you are the outcast that is when things really take effect and you become what you think about.

If you find yourself an outcast look at what you are doing. Are you thinking about what you want to say but haven't said it? Are you always looking around the group worried you have nothing good to contribute? Do you get frustrated, overwhelmed and depressed because the conversation is going to fast, that people keep interrupting you halfway through a comment? If so this is what is going on on you face: When you are thinking about what you want to say your face shows deep thought. That deep thought turns to frustration because what you want to say no longer applies to the conversation, it has moved on to something else. Frustration goes back to deep thought when you have something else to say and now waiting for the conversation to die-down it bit so you can add it in but the conversation never dies down and before you know it what you want to say doesn't apply anymore. Frustration back on the face. Now you have something else to say and just as you start saying it not everyone hears you are talking and BAM! someone interrupts you. Now you are shocked, and frustrated. All this time you haven't really been listening well enough to laugh, to smile, and to just enjoy the company of the people around you. All this time all you have been doing is thinking and getting frustrated at everyone else for not including you in the conversation.

Someone gives you a look, it's a look of "What's wrong with you man?". In your mind you start having a conversation with that person, starts off like "They are not letting me talk. I'm trying to get a word ..." and before you know it you have no idea what is going on in the group anymore. A wave of laughter pulls you out of your mind again and you look around. Some one else gives you a look of "Are you alright?". You didn't laugh, you where sitting there looking into space. All this time you have been dwelling on the thought "No one cares about what I have to say." All this time sending out the vide of deep thought, frustration and confusion.

The other people have no idea what is going on in that head of yours all they see is you have a strait face (deep thought), your getting frustrated, and you look confused half the time. Some people may reach out to you to see if they can help you understand what is going on but they really have no idea what is going on, they think you are not getting the joke that was just said or something. In reality you have a hard time being a part of the group. How do you get out of this spiral of death?

First step is be 100% present again. Stop caring what you want to say, stop dwelling on the past and planning for the future. At this time you must be present, A great way to help move the mind into present is start listing the things you are grateful. Being grateful is a present thought and starts cleaning the slate of the mind.

When you want to say something never try to get the entire groups attention. Only speak to the people next to you. There is always more then one conversation going on at once in a group. As you have a conversation with your buddy it mite surprise you to realize at one point that everyone may be listening to you.

Lastly never forget to smile and laugh when it is appropriate. A smile is welcoming and as you welcome others you welcome yourself.

How to survive in a group atmosphere

To really understand how to survive in a group you first need to understand the four types of people in a group.

• The Leader, 
• The Wingman, 
• The Observer, 
• and the outcast. 

If you are in a healthy group everyone takes turns being each of these characters in the group and an outcast slowly becomes and observer, to a wingman, into a leader or talker. There are many deferent stages a group will. To keep things simple I will only be focused on what happens in a new group: a group of people that have just met one another.

Talker or Leader
The talker is the one leading the conversation. He or she tents to love the center of attention. Sense they love what they are doing they are happy and confident. They are sending out a vide of happy and confidence. Because of this they are the most influential person of a group. They are the most talented one of the group at enturnaning everyone. However they cannot keep everyone entertained for long if they don't have someone to bounce thoughts and ideas off of. Some one that will "yes and" the conversation, A wingman.

Wingman
A wingman is the guys or girls who share the spotlight with the talker. They will "Yes and" the conversation, witch means they will take what is being said or done and add their flair to it then pass it back to the talker. Without a wingman the talker will run out of things to talk about and before you know it the group brakes up to find the next entertaining thing. The wingman does this by becoming the talker for a time or just by laughing at the jokes of the talker. When the Wingman is not interacting with the talker they become the observer.

Observer
The Observer is what the name entails, they observe what is going one. They are the audience the talker and wingman are performing for. There could be just one or there can be a dozen observers. There needs to be at least one or their is no group. They contribute by feeling entertained and happy. They laugh and show their appreciation to the talker and wingman and this gives them energy to keep intertaing the group. If you find yourself observing a lot don't ever feel like you are not contributing because you are. When you do start feeling like your not contributing you will then start to feel like your not a part of the group and when you start feeling that your not a part of the group your actions will change into being the outcast.

Outcasts
The outcast is a person no one else likes to be around. Now you could say this person is not apart of the group, because they tend to be in the corner doing something on their own appearing like they are not listening, but they are. What sets them apart from an observer is the fact they donot react the same. An observer will smile, laugh and feel apresative. They are relaxed. An outcast does not do this so easily, They are overly quiat, they don't smile all that much, they don't laugh. They feel nervis. They are to busy thinking about what they want to say. They are so far into their own heads they are not really observing because they are thinking to much about other things. This shows on their face and in their actions. They are uncomfertible so they send out an uncomfertible vibe to everyone else and everyone else does not want to feel this, they want to feel happy, so they will stand or sit by someone else. That is what creates the outcast. The group never really thinks about the outcast, they tend to not want to think about why they chose to sit by someone else because if they did they would probably feel guilty. It only goes to show what you think about comes appon you. It is only when they stop thinking about what they want to say, become more interested in what is being said. When they want to say something they talk to the person next to them, not the group. Only then can they move from being an outcast and into an observer. To read more about Outcasts and how to avoid becoming one read the article "Avoiding the outcast in you."

Now that you understand the four types of people, surviving a group becomes quite simple.

• Listen to what the group is talking about so you can laugh when you feel laughter.
• When you want to say something say it to the person next to you, not the group.
• Do not think to long about what you want to say or you will have nothing you can say.

As you follow these simple steps it will be easier for you to stay out of your head and enjoy the people around you.

Working a Croud

Everyone wants to be apart of the group. That cool bunch of people laughing in the center of the room. But how do you get there when you don't know anyone? To get there you will need to

• Build your Confidence
• Make quick friends

Building Confidence
The best place to start is look for those standing alone. Most people standing alone are in the same situation you are, they don't know anyone there and will be grateful you came to say high to them. Any blunders you may make are quickly forgiven or not even realized because you took the time to care about them.

If you are at a singles function and you are a girl make sure it's girls you are approaching. If it's a boy who is standing alone only take the chance if you think he is cute other wise you could be walking into a potential stocker problem.

As you go from one person to the next your confidence will go Because confidence is built by thinking of others and that is what you are doing as you go around talking to people. When your confidence is high it is much easier to approach a group.

Make quick friends
The Fasts way to a persons heart is remembering their name. There name is the most emportent sound to them. Have you ever had the experience of walking down the hall and out of the blue someone calls out your name, it feels great! Remember names and you will have a quick friend.

Don't spend all night with one person or they could become clingy when they see you again. Spend 5min or so with each person then move to the next person. You build small friendships with each person. Every friend you make the better your chances are to getting in the "in crowd"

After you have made your way around to every one alone in the rome more than likely one of those people at the start of the gathering will have made their way into a group conversation and that is an easy ticket in, you know someone in the group.

In groups is where you will find the best friends, your most important contacts, or the parter of a lifetime. Why do you say that, you ask? People in groups have proven two thing, they can talk to people and make quick friends. This is the first step of having good relations with everyone around you.

NOTES

• Make sure you remember their names because friends remember friends names.
• If you don't like to talk listen closely so you can ask good questions that keep them talking.
• If you like to talk make sure you at least catch their name and something they like to do.

I discovered this approach because I am an introvert by nature but Weather you are an introvert or an extrovert this approach is the same.

Tune in next time if you have ever had to struggle with awkward conversations because the other person doesn't like to talk.