Everyone struggles now and again at being apart of a group. This is really a hard topic to cover. This article is only focusing on first impressions and how someone starts to become the outcast in their own mind. It all starts in your own mind any way. When you start thinking you are the outcast that is when things really take effect and you become what you think about.
If you find yourself an outcast look at what you are doing. Are you thinking about what you want to say but haven't said it? Are you always looking around the group worried you have nothing good to contribute? Do you get frustrated, overwhelmed and depressed because the conversation is going to fast, that people keep interrupting you halfway through a comment? If so this is what is going on on you face: When you are thinking about what you want to say your face shows deep thought. That deep thought turns to frustration because what you want to say no longer applies to the conversation, it has moved on to something else. Frustration goes back to deep thought when you have something else to say and now waiting for the conversation to die-down it bit so you can add it in but the conversation never dies down and before you know it what you want to say doesn't apply anymore. Frustration back on the face. Now you have something else to say and just as you start saying it not everyone hears you are talking and BAM! someone interrupts you. Now you are shocked, and frustrated. All this time you haven't really been listening well enough to laugh, to smile, and to just enjoy the company of the people around you. All this time all you have been doing is thinking and getting frustrated at everyone else for not including you in the conversation.
Someone gives you a look, it's a look of "What's wrong with you man?". In your mind you start having a conversation with that person, starts off like "They are not letting me talk. I'm trying to get a word ..." and before you know it you have no idea what is going on in the group anymore. A wave of laughter pulls you out of your mind again and you look around. Some one else gives you a look of "Are you alright?". You didn't laugh, you where sitting there looking into space. All this time you have been dwelling on the thought "No one cares about what I have to say." All this time sending out the vide of deep thought, frustration and confusion.
The other people have no idea what is going on in that head of yours all they see is you have a strait face (deep thought), your getting frustrated, and you look confused half the time. Some people may reach out to you to see if they can help you understand what is going on but they really have no idea what is going on, they think you are not getting the joke that was just said or something. In reality you have a hard time being a part of the group. How do you get out of this spiral of death?
First step is be 100% present again. Stop caring what you want to say, stop dwelling on the past and planning for the future. At this time you must be present, A great way to help move the mind into present is start listing the things you are grateful. Being grateful is a present thought and starts cleaning the slate of the mind.
When you want to say something never try to get the entire groups attention. Only speak to the people next to you. There is always more then one conversation going on at once in a group. As you have a conversation with your buddy it mite surprise you to realize at one point that everyone may be listening to you.
Lastly never forget to smile and laugh when it is appropriate. A smile is welcoming and as you welcome others you welcome yourself.
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