understand who you are

The First date

Understand Who You Are

For most people, Dating is all about finding someone you want to be with for the rest of your life. Before you can find someone right for you, you need to know who you are. Ask yourself questions, and do new things. what are your likes and dislikes. Where do you want to be in five years from now? What is your dream job? Do you want kids, how many? The better you know yourself the better you know what you’re looking for and the better you can attract him or her to you. It is very important you know at least these five things about yourself before you start dating.


#1 How do you feel someone loves you and how do you show love?


#2 What do you want most out of life? Do you have five year plans of getting there?

#3 What are your values/Religion: What do you believe about the before and after life? What values are important to you? Honesty, Respect, Religion, etc.


#4 What type of people are you attracted to and does that type really fit your needs stated above in #1 through #3?


#5 What type of family do want to have in the future?

More great questions will be in future blogs. Many people every year will fall in love with someone that isn’t what they need or truly want. Example; Let’s say you want to have 4 kids one day and live in the country and you married a person that loves the city, hates kids and can’t stand the country side. This happens more often than it should because people do not take the time to ask themselves what they want before the relationships gets serious.

Take a little time to understand yourself before you start dating for the first time.

When is The right time to start dating? According to a publication called Early Dating, from iowa state university, The best time to start dating is 14 and many other experts advise to wait till you are 16. The article states that when a person is to young they do not have the social skills needed for dating. “Early dating often leads to problems... Young people will likely act in ways they see portrayed, rather than develop a healthy relationship with the other person... Most youth do not know themselves well, and their own values. Such self-understanding is required in order to relate in a healthy dating relationship. Youth who do not know what they want or should expect in a relationship may be too easily talked into behaviors for which they are not yet ready.” To read more on this article go to http://www.extension.iastate.edu/publications/pm1547i.pdf

The earlier you date, the more likely you are going to have sex at a young age which wrecks the body and ruins plans and dreams for the future. 18 and older is the best time to take dating more seriously. By then it is time to start looking for someone you want to be with for the rest of your life. Research shows that the connection between youth who began dating at young ages were sexually active through high school and before. 90% of Children who started dating at the age of 12 had sex before the age 18. 15 years of age 60%, 16 years 20%, and 17 years 12%. Learn more at http://lds.org/new-era/2010/04/dating-advice-from-prophets-and-apostles?lang=eng


Here is another great question for all the singles out there.

Do you prefer dating for a while or jumping into a relationship?

~ Kaleey Sorensen ~

Jacqueline Loveland (girl)

You know, it may sound strange but I actually would prefer being in a series of short-term relationships, rather than going on isolated dates with several guys. To me it seems easier and less stressful, and you get to know the individual guys better.

Kierstyn L. Hartley (girl)

I like going on a few dates with the guy or at least hanging out with him quite a bit before I get into anything serious.

Benjamin Johnson (guy)

I would agree with Kierstyn. I prefer getting to know someone before getting serious about anything.

Amy Rogers (girl)

Usually, to be safe, I think it is wise to take it slow; really get to know the person, regardless if you have a strong attraction. I will say this though, when a relationship ends or it’s been a while and the longing for a relationship is very prevalent, such as being “on the rebound”, or a person is “anxious for the future,” this can be very frustrating and difficult. In this case, still be cautious but if you and the person you’re dating are both willing to take things at a faster pace just make sure you are both on the same page. It’s when one person wants to move faster or slower than the other that a relationship can get into trouble. Have DTR’s (Define the relationship) discussions and communicate how you and the other person feel about each other throughout the dating scene to make the experience positive and beneficial no matter the speed you take it.


(Leave me a comment about what you think.)

What are good topics to discuss while on a date?

~ Jake Rappleye ~

Kierstyn L. Hartley (Girl)

Ask them what three wishes they would wish for if they could wish for ANYTHING in the world :)

Benjamin Johnson (guy)

You could ask them where in life they would like to be in 5 years or what their goals are.

Amy Rogers (Girl)

You are going to have dates that either you or the other person may not be a big talker, if this is the case; I had a friend of mine relate a fun idea to me. Bring up topics that start with letters of the alphabet. Start with A and go however long it takes to get the person talking a little more. For example, ask them “What’s your favorite season? Do you like Autumn?, etc, whatever you come up with, this gives you something to talk about and your date may catch onto what you’re doing and speak up a bit more.

Dianna Singh (Girl)

I usually ask, what are your hopes, dreams, and aspirations? That usually gives me a clear idea of how ambitious or driven a guy is. =)

Miryelle Resek (Girl)

Well if you get desperate you can always talk about the second coming and what they would think happen in 2012 type stuff... that generally takes up a lot of time :)

Melissa Dunning (Girl)

Likes, dislikes, family, goals, happy uplifting stuff! When you're really unsure what to talk about ask them questions about themselves. Everyone likes talking about themselves!

What the experts say

I found this great article called "Good Dating Questions, Pertent Questions to ask your dates" by Guide. Here is a part of the article, read the rest on www.Flowinglove.com

Asking your dates pertinent questions will help you to determine their character. You need to be able to define if your date's value systems and beliefs match or compliment your own. In healthy dating you are looking for agreeing qualities that are suitable and appropriate for a significant relationship foundation. You are not dating to find someone who is perfect, you are dating to find someone who is perfect for you. Whatever you ask your date it should bring out more of their character. For questions look forward to the next blog post.

When planning a first date, what should the focus be on? Does that make sense?

~Jake Rappleye~

Tricia Kaye Gerrard (Girl)

The focus should be on getting to know that person as a human being. When planning the date, try to do activities that will help the two of you get to know each other better as real people. Do activities that allow you to talk.

Jordan Mickelsen (Guy)

First Impression, How you want her to see you

Joe Norris (Guy)

Conversation, because you need to know if an intelligent conversation is possible. When all the kissing and newness wears off all you have is talking.

Adam Young (Guy)

The focus should be on her. Obviously she will want to know about you and everything, but focus on her. It shows that you are genuinely interested in her and if things don't work out then you will have a good friend based on the things that you talked about. You make more friends by learning about their interests than you do by trying to get people to like your interests.

Benjamin Johnson (Guy)

People don´t care about you. They care about themselves; they want you to show interest in them. (Sorry if I said that in a bad way.) If you focus on them, they will in turn focus on you, and you can have a great friendship.

Shellie Beckham (Girl)

Each other! The date should be planned with both of you in mind because she wants to know what you like (and what you are like) and you want to know what she likes (and what she is like)

J.T. Rogers (Guy)

I agree with Adam, and the first date should always have plenty of time for you two to talk and you need to have complete focus on her. I once was on a date that was going sower and if I hadn't been focused on her and how she was I would not have seen she was not enjoying herself. Luckily I had a few back up plans that turned the date around. First dates should be very flexible with back up plans so you can make it shorter, longer, challenging or not depending on how she responds to you or the date activity. The girl has to see it as Structured at first or she will feel unsure of you like your lazy or you’re not confident enough in you’re planning. So do not say “let’s hang out”, and have no plan.

Amy Rogers (Girl)

If you’re not sure what to plan or you simply don’t know the girl well enough to know what she likes to do here’s a word of advice. A first date doesn’t need to be extensive- it doesn’t have to be a steak dinner. There are a lot of simple, fun, and inexpensive things to do…keep in mind, the first date- no matter how much you like the girl- is about getting to know her. If the girl is busy and doesn’t have a lot of time, go for a walk, do a picnic in the afternoon- DO NOT go do a movie for a first date. A movie doesn’t allow you to talk to your date and if any moves are made during the movie, such as arms around the girl or a kiss, most girls are going to feel insecure. A movie theater is not a romantic place for a first kiss; they cannot see your eyes.